


Like a House on Fire

by SlowMercury



Category: Ranma 1/2, Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Community: no_true_pair, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-22
Updated: 2015-01-22
Packaged: 2018-03-08 16:37:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3216080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlowMercury/pseuds/SlowMercury
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Princess Leia has journeyed from afar seeking a Jedi master.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Like a House on Fire

To Leia’s admittedly untrained eye, the black haired boy standing in front of her at the bazaar shone with the Light of the Force. He carried his weight with the grace of a professional dancer, or maybe a professional smuggler, and the longer she talked the tenser he got.

“Not that I don’t want to help you,” Ranma said cautiously, “but I also kinda don’t want to unleash Master Happosai on you unprepared. Are ya sure you want to find him?”

It had taken Princess Leia a long time to get even that much out of one of the natives. The Takahashi System seemed to breed intelligent life of a highly excitable variety. It also bred for intelligent life that was very, very strong in the Force – so strong that the Empire had preferred to pretend that it didn’t exist. The Emperor’s only nod to their nominal inclusion in the Empire was occasionally sending politicians who’d blundered badly as tax collectors, who were often never seen again. Rumor had it that the one time the Emperor visited in person, a half-trained half-blind apprentice had knocked him out with a _toilet_ he’d had _hidden up his sleeve._

“I mean,” Ranma continued, “I know he’s a phenomenal fighter, but maybe you could talk to Darth Cologne? She’s just as powerful, and she’s less—”

“You mean a _Sith!?_ ” Leia gasped, her diplomatic mask slipping. “You have _Sith_ here?” 

“Aw, she ain’t so bad, so long’s you’re not engaged to one a her descendents,” Ranma said earnestly. 

“No,” Leia said firmly, trying to keep the horror out of her voice. “We need Master Happosai to help us rebuild the Jedi Order. He’s one of the few who survived the purges. Our records, fragmented as they are, show him to be a master of some of the more esoteric Light Force Arts.”

True, Happosai was the best there was at Bra Stealing Fu, which was technically all about the Light ideals of growth and health, but Ranma hadn’t realized anyone, ever, might find a need for that particular Light Force Art.

“But I’m having trouble finding him,” Leia continued, “and I don’t have much more time. Whenever I ask where he might be, people tell me to ask you and then change the subject.”

“That’s ‘cuz he’s the head of my school,” Ranma admitted reluctantly. “He trained my Pops and Mr. Tendo in Force use. I can call him, if you really want.” 

Leia nodded. Ranma checked her Force aura just to be sure, but it too was solidly determined.

So he used that damnable _twist_ of the Force that changed him from a strong, black haired guy into cute, busty redhead girl. Ignoring Leia’s undignified, unprincess-like gaping, Ranma walked over to a nearby stall and came back with two glasses of water. She unceremoniously dumped them over herself and Princess Leia.

“Oh no,” Ranma cooed. “I am so clumsy! I seem to have spilled cold water all over myself and my attractive female friend! And me without a bra, and her all dressed in white...”

“Sweeto!” a hoarse voice chuckled, and Leia blinked at the abrupt appearance of a small troll on Ranma’s chest. It seemed to be offering up a scrap of red lingerie.

Ranma swung a fist at it; the troll dodged by leaping onto Leia’s chest.

“Princess Leia,” Ranma said, “this is Jedi Master Happosai. Old perv, this is Princess Leia, a senator with the New Republic.”

Well, everyone had warned her they did things differently in the Takahashi System. Maybe this was some local greeting she hadn’t encountered yet.

“Pleased to meet you,” Leia offered with as much sincerity as she could muster. “I’ve journeyed a long way to make your acquaintance.”

Ranma gaped at her in the background, then shook her head in an attempt to clear it in case she’d heard wrong. 

“You are pleased to meet me?” Master Happosai sniffled to Leia. “This is the happiest day of my life! My reputation has grown so that beautiful girls come to see me!”

“I seek your assistance in re-founding the Jedi Order,” Leia said formally. “I beg you to accompany me off-planet when I return to Coruscant.”

“Sweeto! Let me go pack! And thanks for the silky darling!” With that, Master Happosai bounced away again. Leia felt a sudden, uncomfortable draft.

“Lemme get this straight,” Ranma said. “You’re actually taking Happosai with you? You don’t just wanna consult him from a very long distance over the comm or something?” 

“Um, yes,” Leia said.

“This is great!” Ranma said, a megawatt smile spreading across the girl’s face. “We gotta go celebrate!”

Ranma grabbed the princess’s wrist and dragged her into the nearest restaurant, a crowded cafe called Ucchan’s.

“Listen up!” Ranma hollered. “Princess Leia here asked Master Happosai to help her rebuild the Jedi Order, an’ Happi’s moving to Coruscant!”

There was a moment of stunned silence, followed by thunderous whistles, stomps and cheering. 

_“Dinner’s on the house!”_ the proprietor yelled.

“I would like to propose a toast,” Ranma shouted, “to Princess Leia, a hero beyond compare! Thank you and goodbye, Happosai!” 

Another shout of wild celebration broke out. There was not a being present who didn’t lift a glass, and some of them had to leap over the counter to reach glasses to do it. Several members of the crowd burst into song, and Leia saw two burly hominids hugging one another and weeping tears of joy in a corner. A tall boy with a yellow bandanna shook Leia’s hand so hard she was afraid it would come off at the wrist.

Leia was starting to get a bad feeling about this.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written in 2008 for the [no_true_pair community](http://asylums.insanejournal.com/no_true_pair/).


End file.
